The Non-driving Photog Update

What will today's post bring? One never knows. Some days I have a plan, other days I don't. It's just how I live my life. A state of structured flexibility, you could say.

I flip back and forth between focus and fun. I bury my nose in a project, then I step away and do something creative. I edit photos for hours, then I slap on roller blades and spend time cruising around my neighborhood. I whip up a batch of gluten-free granola bars, then I call my insurance company and end up on the phone for 45 minutes figuring out recent errors and how we can fix them. I am a wandering homebody, a lover of the outdoors and time spent on the couch with a good book.

I start my day jolting my brain awake with coffee and new ideas. I sit and write them out. I finish my day reading good books and laughing at funny television shows. I go to bed looking forward to my new morning routine of coffee and and idea writing in the cool air on my back deck. I go to bed wanting sleep but already excited to start the next day. This seems like a whole new outlook for me. I don't remember feeling this alive... ever.

I have a possible explanation, and it lies somewhere between loving what I do and coming off medication I have been on for over 25 years. Is it possible that the last 3 weeks of reducing my epilepsy medicine has had this much of an impact on me? I think it's very possible, I just never imagined this was going to happen. All I knew was that I was so ready to come off this medicine, but I was completely unable to get a sense of what it would do to me or how I would feel. I honestly was happy with the thought of no longer being dependent on a medicine, no longer paying for it, no longer remembering to take it and panicking when I forgot.

Instead I'm 3 weeks into this process and I feel great! Sure, I'm still the photographer who can't drive herself anywhere, but I'm also more focused and alert than I think I have ever been. My energy levels are cranked up a few notches. It's very exciting and bizarre at the same time.

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And here I am, a few days later on day 3 of feeling like a human bobble head. Weeks 1-3 were bordering on awesome, Week 4 has had me very housebound and unable to get much done. I couldn't take charge right now if I had to. So, I won't. I will hope to get through the day without upsetting the balance too much, much like I did all weekend.

Saturday I was so out of whack that I spent most of the day on the couch in and out of sleep. Sunday I made attempts to get things done. I packed up my basement studio (our awesome home has been sold and we are moving), with breaks taken on the couch. Today I sit at the computer unable to focus long enough to do much at all. It's okay that I can't drive right now because I honestly have no desire to even be in a car. Every few minutes there is a different symptom somewhere: loss of balance, tingly hands, overheating, loss of focus, fatigue, chills, head full of cotton. It just kind of keeps looping itself like bad elevator music. The thought of socializing is more than I care to think about for now. I am essentially a drug addict in the middle of a detox.


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Today (October 1) I step out of my foggy mind only to stand at my window and watch fog weave through the trees in my yard. I return again to watch the sky open up and pour down on the same trees. I believe I have made it through the worst part of this medicine removal. I feel better, and yet my life feels like it's in a holding pattern of some sort. I am waiting for the energy of a few weeks ago to return.

Having my life kind of on hold, and yet moving forward at the same time, is a tricky thing to sort out. I am keeping my work load light in the months when I normally do the most, because I just can't stand the thought of possibly coming up short for my clients. The not knowing what to expect, not being able to drive to get simple errands done, the working around other people's schedules, all require a certain amount of patience and flexibility. So, I'm using as much patience to ease through this time and come out the other side ready to move forward in a stronger way. I will be so glad later when I look back at this time, but now I worry about all the opportunities I may be missing.

I share this non-photo part of my life because it is an important piece to who I am. Doing so has caused others to share stories as well that perhaps I never would have heard otherwise. Conversations started and ideas shared that may have helped where answers weren't being given. It has been a comfort but also discouraging to learn how many of us are coasting through medical situations, with many questions going unanswered and getting tips from each other rather than our doctors.

I am mere days away from being done with a 27 year prescription. Monday I will take my final pill, probably cry many joyful tears, then move on. Literally. My house and office are being packed with plans to move in the next few weeks. I don't know what the final weeks of adjusting to no meds will mean, but I do know the new home and office will mean great things for my business and life in general. I am very excited to see how it all plays out!


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Single Photo Friday:: Seagull Attack!

Lookout for seagulls!

Ahh, just gorges. Haha, I mean Fort Gorges, so proudly displayed in Portland's Caso Bay.

 

It's 9pm on Friday evening and I am just now sitting down long enough to remember that 1) today is indeed Friday and 2) I have yet to post to the blog.

I took this shot today while aboard The Lucky Catch - a lobster boat that takes people on tours of Casco Bay and shows them how to catch lobster. My cousin's daughter (therefore, my 2nd cousin) was visiting Maine for the first time, and so we did a touristy thing that ended up being possibly more fun for us locals than those from away. As they got bait ready the seagulls literally swarmed us. I chose to turn my attention and my camera to the flock rather than the action happening on the boat.

I think that was the most fun I've ever had photographing seagulls.


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A Strong Filter

One of my favorite gems of a thinking place.

I am feeling both inspired and frustrated at the same time, and I can't quite figure out why. There is one side that feels great and like new things are taking shape and positive steps are being taken, while the other side feels like nothing is happening and things aren't going my way and I don't know what to do next.

But then I tell myself this all part of the process. "The Process" can be defined in so many different ways, but I think for me these feelings come about every few months. I hit a bit of a wall and the self doubt shadow follows me around for a couple of days, like an imaginary friend who's not really friendly. But, these moments always lead to another break, another step forward, another chance to take things to the next level. SO, I just have to remind myself that I almost need to go through these times to get to the better stuff. Sometimes, it's just simply Life Lessons.

It's also a matter of learning to filter what works and what doesn't. There are so many people out there dispensing advice, but not all of it fits into what might work for you. Or for me. At times, it can seem like information overload. We all need to learn to filter the good from the bad. One of the amazing speakers at Mystic 5 cautioned us all not to "drink the Kool-Aid." Which made me laugh, then think.

So, the strong filter is essential as a photographer, as a creative type, as a human just trying to get by. I usually walk around with an open heart and mind, and try to take in as much as possible. Later I have to remind myself to take in only what I want, only what will work for me. And then move on.

My only advice - don't filter so much that you miss the gems when they appear in front of you. They can often show up in unexpected ways.



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The 5Year Mark

Showing love to Ferry Beach with my {Dreamy} Diana lens.

Yesterday marked 5 years since my father's passing. I realize that may be a bit personal to talk about on a blog that is linked to my business, but we all have our stories and that info is part of mine. I feel like this a place where I get to share my work along with my stories.

I try to honor him in some way every year on Feb. 2. One year I went to Busch Gardens and rode roller coasters all weekend with the Weekend Warrior, one year I cut off all my hair and donated it to Locks of Love, this year I took a day for myself to enjoy a few simple things.




I ordered myself a photo book by National Geographic and another on the American Family. NatGeo was a magazine my dad always loved (and kept stacks of them in our house growing up), filled with photos I aspired to take. I took my camera and my new {Dreamy} Diana lens to my favorite beach and walked and photographed. Later, my family and I had dinner at a local chain restaurant that has Gluten-free options and animals hanging on the walls that talk every so often. This was really more for my nephew than the rest of us, but the being together part was what mattered. I topped off the night with 3 hours of LOST because I'm a nut and dying to see how the final season wraps up.



That last piece was really just for me, and not so much about my dad.

The rest however, made me think of him in good ways all day. His support in my photography endeavors was unwavering. So, it helps me to spend time working on and loving my craft in his absence, because I think of him often. Every once in awhile I might snap a photo just for him.




So, yesterday my choice was to play with my new Diana Lens - a plastic lens with a price tag around $60 and a dreamy look that could go for miles. Crisp focus is not likely to happen, but I have to say it was a bundle of fun. And always nice to step away from your normal way of doing things and mix it up a bit. One of the things that blew me away was how incredibly blue my skies were. Amazing what a piece of plastic can capture! Seriously. Please try adding something plastic/toy/fun to your camera arsenal. You will be so glad you did.




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Scaling Back: a Photographic Exercise

Choppy waters just beyond the Golden Gate Bridge.

On November 4 I boarded a plane in Portland, Maine to cross the country and land in San Francisco. The family was congregating in the city that my youngest cousin now calls home, so we could all attend his wedding. I was beyond excited.

First, I was excited to finally get to see San Francisco, and that the Weekend Warrior was coming with me (knowing he would finally see the Golden Gate Bridge, which he seems to have a mild obsession with, was fueling my enthusiasm). This was the final wedding of my 2009 season, only this time I was going as a guest. No pressure on me, aside from the fact that I would be required to put some serious effort into my outfit, and (*GASP*) wear heels.

Walking around the streets of San Francisco made me really thirsty.

I thought about how I would actually sit and eat an entire meal. I would hit the dance floor and dance for hours. I would hang out with my family, laughing and talking and watching my cousin have his moment. And I would get to see another photographer in action! I love to watch people who know their craft work, so this was something I was really looking forward to.

Then it came time to pack my equipment. I wasn't responsible for a wedding or portraits or film stills, so perhaps I could really scale back. I could bring just what I'm comfortable carrying on me for hours. I could finally do something I've wanted to do for a long time: One camera body, and one lens. But not a zoom lens, that's almost cheating. A 50 mm, nothing else and see what I get.

I loved how the sun was hitting this little building, begging me to take its picture.

In my twenties, before the days of auto-focus and extra bells and whistles, I went everywhere with a Pentax K1000 and a 28mm lens. I got very used to shooting close to my subjects or making negative space work in my favor. Things are different now, to say the least, but the desire to scale down and simplify is still with me. Excessive gear doesn't mean much. The important thing is to be comfortable and skilled with the gear you do have. Bringing only a 50mm lens is an excellent exercise for any photographer. If the shot doesn't work you either find a way to make it work or you move on to the next thing that might. It's an exercise in finding new ways to see (or a reminder of how you used to see, before all the auto-focus zooms came into your life).

Down at Fisherman's Wharf, in what I called 'Crab Alley'.


The end of Larkin.

Not to mention, it's a very compact and light lens making all day excursions with a camera around your shoulder much easier, especially when renting bikes. All of the photos in this post were taken on that trip, with a 50mm f1.4 lens. I'm looking forward to the next chance I get to stretch my photo brain like that.

I love the texture and color of this. Rusty metal things do it for me.

The touristy shot. I went under on a boat and across on a bike.

This little exercise stretched my creativity and left me wanting more. This is what scaling back did for me. What do you think it could do for you?

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Another Pretty Place

Pretty.

Maine is a pretty place to live. But I love finding new places with nice views, and luckily as a photographer I get chances to do that. I spent the past weekend in Pawley's Island, South Carolina. Unplugged from technology, my weekend consisted of my camera, a wedding, watching the shoreline, and talking for hours with good friends and strangers.


Not only was there no internet, but no keys for the doors. Many of the showers were outdoors. A hammock on one of the decks took turns calling out our names. The crazy rush I went through in the airports to make all my connections was erased by sitting in a rocking chair on the porch and listening to the surf with a cup of coffee in my hand. More than once I thought how similar this coast looked to Maine, and yet I felt like I was a world away. And with my camera I often feel like everywhere I photograph is just an extension of my own back yard. Another place to find pretty stuff.

Another gem to add to the 'Go Back There Someday' list.

South Carolina or Southern Maine?

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The California I Saw

The blog has been sitting silent for a little while. This seems to be a common theme on many photo blogs, followed by apologies and often promises to do a better job updating. I'm not sure any apologies are needed. Sometimes life just happens and things get busy. I had hoped to update roughly once a week, but that doesn't always happen. And for the most part, that's ok.







What I have been doing is lots of photographing and some travel and general life busyness, all in the name of photo goodness. Not to mention it's FALL! The best time to be living in Northern New England. But I decided to leave my favorite place during my favorite time of year and spend a few days out west. Los Angeles, to be exact. While I was there I took a few photos...








I love that feeling of being in a new place. Seeing things for the first time makes my creative energies come alive and my photographic eye go into overdrive. I had been down some of these streets earlier this year, but still had that excitement of being in a new place. Several of these were taken on my morning walk to find coffee. Sitting and watching, while consuming the necessary caffeine doses, gave me a chance to take in what was going on around me and make some images of the California I saw.

I'm starting to believe that 4 days away is the answer to any lack of inspiration or motivation. We all hit those points, no matter what we do for work or with our lives. Disappearing for even a small amount of time is often just what we needed to get back on track /recharged / ready to start anew.

What happens to you when you go to new places?


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Yard of Glass

Snow day = YAY! Though I guess I should really be calling it an Ice Day. No school, no work for many, no power, lights, heat, or internet for almost all. Yeah, that's right, I said no internet! No internet and no coffee on the morning of my birthday seemed adventurous at first. I bundled up and took my camera out once again to capture what was happening in my own backyard...





Shortly into the adventure of the Ice Day I was soaked and struggling to protect my camera, which for some reason I found humorous. But the beauty of what ice does to everything makes it hard to just put the camera down. And isn't it weird that while it was an ice storm, I was walking around with wet coat, hair, camera, hands, etc.? It felt almost like rain, only much colder and clearly, with a much bigger impact. As I write this, thousands are still without power and heat. Chainsaws were heard almost in unison across New England today.







And soon I realized that the beauty is also fragile. I backed into a bush while talking to my neighbors who took some heavy tree damage, and the whole thing almost toppled over. I nearly broke a bush just by lightly bumping into it! It was as if my entire yard was made of glass...





And I will admit that since I am both a caffeine and internet addict (that sounded much worse than it was intended), after my little camera adventure I hopped in my car and drove until I found a place with lights on that would also have heat and the two things I was craving most at that moment. The coffee was great, the stolen wireless signal - not so much.

Foggy Mind

On a foggy November Saturday I found myself somewhat overwhelmed with technical issues and needing a break. I picked up my camera and took a walk in in the fog. My head feels much clearer now...

This fence that surrounds my yard has been falling apart, but I kind of like it that way. And when the fog rolls in, it seems to add to the appeal.

All season I have loved how the yellow leaves have been landing on and making a temporary home on my little blue car.

While inside the house I noticed how this once bright red tree was changing its look. The fog surrounding it left me standing in the window staring for several minutes. That was when I grabbed the camera and gave myself a mandatory break from the computer.

I was attracted to the very muted colors of this bush against the sky, something that often goes unnoticed next to the bright fall colors.

This yellow was calming to me. There's something both relaxing and energizing about yellow. Why is that?

I was going after the water drops, and got the added bonus of that piece of spider web in the corner. There is something so great about making yourself step away from one thing so you can slow down enough to enjoy the other things. The contrast of using computers and technology and things that are meant to speed up every process for us to watching nature slowly getting through another day is pretty remarkable. It's as if my mind forgot that mother nature works at a much slower pace. Stepping out into my yard I was almost forced to operate at the same pace as these plants. Taking in one moment at a time.